Going to NYSC…
By
Muhammad Malumfashi
Preparation!
Where’s
this Iseyin? Edu, Yikpata? Karaye? Wailo, Ganjuwa? Ikot Itie Udung, Nsit Atai,
Obubra? Isele-Uku? Malam Sidi, Kwame, that’s all you hear from the in-coming
NYSC Corp members. They keep asking questions, ahead of their next strange
experience.
Just
get ready, whole ready. Cut your hair... get your bag!! Be prepared!
The
camps will be open on 28th, it’s a FCFS. Go there early and you don’t have to
suffer the wahala of registration. You’ll get your kits, room, tickets all
without much burden. Go late? Spend fewer days, suffer much on the queues. Even
if you get the kits, my otondo... Don’t wear them at that very moment. You can
send the pictures online later. By the time you put that thing on you, its
official you are now a talo-talo, I mean kopa. Wait and rest first, for that
while. That journey from DutsinMa to Iseyin isn’t any easy.
Ask
fellow senior corpers about the roads and transport fees. You’ll meet other
agwagwas at the station. Safe Journey!
YOU THERE
Screening
starts at the gate. Identify yourself, so they make sure you are not a ghost
corper, do we even have anything like that? Carry your load, go!
In
your bag, you must have been told you’ll need white shirts, vests, and shorts.
You’ll be given some at the camp, some XXXXL sized T-shirts. That white rubber
canvas also, I can bet with my ex- that the ones you’ll receive their, won’t
fit your size. If you are guy, you need one; the girls change whites after
every parade. Still if you don’t come with it (rubber canvass) you’ve options; buy
it in the camp, you know the price!
Trade-by-batter,
boot for boot. The girl’s average size is around 8, they’ll be given size 12!
While you’ll be given an 8, wait there and make a deal. Exchange! Exchange
not phone numbers, I mean exchange shoes!
Take
it to shoemakers. They can do something about that. What can money not do?
Get
one from the store officer. Don’t know how, but it can be from cash or kind.
Some
even sell it through the back doors. Don’t go and tell one officer that someone
said... I no talk am O!
Let
me not keep wasting my time, you’ll need a canvass, a jungle boot. Na you sabi!!
I
saw some people smuggling Ijebu Garri to the camp. I dunno why wo!
STILL ON THE KITS
Khaki
(up and down), P-cap, whites (shorts and shirts), crested vest, socks, canvass,
jungle boot and a belt.
You
don’t have to take your personal wears. Just few are okay, for Fridays &
Sundays.
Immediately
you collect your over-sized (or under-sized depending on the…LOL!) tailors will
rush to you, no give them o. wait till after a week or so (who even tell you
say you go need Khaki that same day, till on your Man o War day) the price must
have dropped from N1000+ to N300. And they will do it better, without rushing.
Thank me later for this.
THE CAMP
Shebi
they tell you by 4:00am they go wake you up...don’t worry. If your room is far
from their base, they won’t get to you until that kain 4:30 :). That vuvuzela-like-bugle is annoying. E better you sleep early. Kontinu with the
gist tomorrow.
Morning
drill to follow after... By 6:00am Nigeria go wake up, that’s 2 hours after
Nigerian corpers don wake up. During that anthem, No walking! No moving! No
jogging! Standstill! If one soldier see you moving lai dat, even if it’s your
shoe laces... Haa! Haaan!! Hope you know that by that time you are already in
your official suit (short and t-shirt with white canvass), that’s how you’ll
all look like for the next 3 weeks.
After
the parade, assembly, and other duties; kitchen & sanitation, I thought going
to the kitchen was a bad idea until one soja took us to a strange place behind
the girl’s dormitory for sanitation. I didn’t like the creatures I saw there.
The next time I chose to cook yam in the kitchen. Is your breakfast, get your
meal tickets ready. Tea & bread, Akara & pap.
After
breakfast, then morning lectures. Camp’ meals aren’t that bad, if truly the
federal government is spending N1500 on your feeding daily, then imagine what a
N500 breakfast would be like? If you still can’t take it, what are the mami
markets for?
At
times the lectures can be so boring, for like 3 hours. In some camps the halls
can’t accommodate even half of the Corp members, with poor conditions and
working systems. You’ll be left hanging outside, under the sun (that’s the 3rd
verse of your NYSC anthem, abi? Under the sun or in the rain! Service!!) If you
don’t like the lectures, dodge. If you are caught, you are wrong! I know frog
jump is your hobby! No be so?
There
are skills acquisition & training schemes and a lot of other programs. Try
one!
After
the lectures.. you can freshen up.. take your bath, have your lunch and take a
little rest. By 4:00pm you are at the parade ground. During the first days or
week, it’s all about Parade. 1, 2, Attentioooooooonnnnnn!!! Things will get
better with time. With; Inter-platoon competitions, and the rest. The
footballers, Get that boots & guards ready, you might experience some
horrible tackles. Na only you waka come. During football matches the referees
can give you a surprise. Playing against the camp officials... score, score and
score and it’s not a Hartrick. It’s called offside. Who go tire? I tell you na you go tire!
I
was saying...
In
some camps there’s no light, you have that power bank???
If
you know how much those generator guys make there from charging phone
batteries. You’ll pray NYSC retains you after service to be charging corpers
battery in NYSC orientation camps... I’m serious!
Not
only power banks you need the real banks too... money! And ATM card(s) for
re-reimbursement, there are POS at the camps where you can use. Half of what
you’ll withdraw will go as commission/POS charges. :). If you can’t afford
that, seek for permission and get to town and withdraw. Shikenan! You’ll spend
twice as much as that to transport to the nearest town from some orientation
camps.
THE NIGHTs
After
the dinner you have all that time. At least till 10pm, before the lights-out.
Everywhere will be rocking! If you are the drinking type, get ready. The beer
parlors are all there! Just be careful how many bottles you take. I heard about
a drunken man who came back to his senses after he was presented with his bill.
You don’t have to buy origin for the half of your platoon members, why I’m I
even saying this? After all you’ll be drunk then. Just make sure your neighbor
is close by (and not drunk) to take you back to your room fa!
By
10:00pm that bugler will be back to you. Get ready to be on bed. Safer for your
health. The next time you’ll hear that sound again... will be after 6 hours.
LATER...
That’s
a day in the camp. The longer you live, the more interesting it’ll be. One
thing about the camp is, it is as fun as you take it!
Redeployment!
Some ladies will rush and get married between now and Wednesday, that’s
possible on papers. Make sure you have the I.D card, passport or license (or
any other means of I.D-on of the guy you call your husband on that marriage
certificate). For the guys, it’s sad you can only pretend to be sick and not pregnant.
On your health report, let you have tuberculosis, ebola, HIV or whatever... If
you really serious. Know your ways, no one will take your blood but don’t be
asthmatic on paper and before the medical team you won’t know what an inhaler
looks like. Remember lying is a sin! You had the chance to choose between three
states, I think it’ll be more difficult.
There
are several competitions and contests in the camp. That’s beside the
inter-platoon competitions, man o war v NYSC, cooking competitions etc. If you
are a good player, or dancer, start your rehearsals at this point. Macho-man?
You want to win that LCD Plasma TV, what are you doing here? Get to the gym;
make sure you come with your 6-packs to the camp kawai. The ‘most beautiful’
also, I know you won’t forget that make up kit, camp queen don’t forget to look
for me to take a selfie, camp celebrity, you know! Baby-face award, etc...
All the best!
MAN o WAR
Man
o War drill. That is cardinal, now you do that only once in the camp. It is not
a must o. It is not a must! If you know you can’t take it, don’t try it. From
the name.. MAN or WAR! On that day select your best shorts, you’ll hear some
funny ‘tones’. Be careful with the photographers, talking from experience. Use
your smart-phones to snap.
I
don’t know if there’ll be ‘endurance trek’ this time around. If there’s one,
please endure.
CAMP FIRE NIGHTS
That’s
the last thing before your P.O.P. By now you must be winding up, you have the
pictures, the contacts... some you’ll never meet again in this life. Nice
people from all over the country, you’ll meet the typical northern man they
won’t tell you about. Personally, I still regret not asking that young lady
from Rivers her phone number. Enjoy the camp fire night, it should be your
first, last and only night. You have all that night.
POSTING TO P.P.A
After
the passing out ceremony you’ll receive your letters of posting to your place
of assignments. Arrangements will be made for you.
If
you’re not posted to the cities because of one reason or another, that’s no
reason to lose a sleep. You’ll see them celebrating as if they are going to
heaven, no mind them... Most cities are expensive, competitive but livelier and
better opportunities. If you still want to be posted to the Ibadan, Calabar,
Dutse, Zaria, and Jos. You can still make it, don’t ask me how. I served in a village. You’ll
get more about your CDS (secondary assignments) as you get there.
Welcome
Otondo!!!
Wish
you a very successful service year and beyond.
Muhammad
Malumfashi happily served in Kaiama, Kwara State.
Can
be reached on twitter @ya_waliyyi
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